I feel like I’m becoming an option.
An option in a neverending cycle.
Chest pains are cropping up.
Possible heart attack?
Heart under too much stress?
It’s becoming difficult to breathe when I think about it.
Thinking about what happened.
I’m overthinking.
That’s what has caused it.
Maybe.
It won’t go out of my mind.
It’s stuck. It’s scarred it.
I keep feeling that were drifting apart.
Then i’ll be all alone.
I never thought I’d actually have the nightmare.
Until I fell back to sleep.
It was horrible.
I woke up, upset.
My heart was beating really fast.
Felt I couldn’t breathe and I just had to get out of my covers.
I stumbled around.
Sat down and took a deep breath.
“It was just a nightmare.”
…
I saw her today.
It was a nervous feeling.
But it had a sentimental feeling to it.
We had a few laughs.
Cried alittle.
Had pizza.
I feel as though we can be together fully again.
I have permission to hit him.
But I aint the violent type.
Tempting. But I don’t want to hurt her.
She keeps blaming it on herself when she knows it’s me to blame.
I’ll be seeing her tomorrow.
Helping her with coursework.
But to get to there…
…I’d have to suffer a nightmare.
This is ripping me up inside.
I can’t stand life anymore.
It has gone to the worse end of a relationship.
I know she was drunk.
I am deeply hurt and I don’t think I can recover.
To think, to actually think of those two rubbing naked bodies together.
It hurts my mind.
It has stained it.
I feel so used.
We was on a break, fine, but that should never have happened.
NOW I WILL DESTROY RICH.
I will kill him.
I will tear HIM apart.
So how he feels how I fucking feel.
She’s been getting cravings lately.
She’s probably pregnant, with HIS child inside her.
I don’t know if I can live any longer.
This life. This pain.
The only real thing left to do is die.
Naturally or suicidal.
Do I even deserve love?
I feel like it wants to destroy me.
Overpower me.
I say “I love you”
She says “I love you”
Only quieter.
Does she really love me?
That, I don’t have an answer to.
She knows how much I love her.
I love her more than anything in world.
Beyond the stars and far beyond the universe.
I just want her to feel loved.
All I’ve done is make her cry.
I feel so shit.
She never wants to be happy with me.
I can’t do anything right.
I love her to pieces.
I need her.
She is my life.
I can’t live without her.
But all she can do is be upset.
I wish we was back to where we was rather than we are now.
It hurts. For both of us.
I don’t want you to be crying anymore.
You’re all I have and I want you to be happy.
I can try to make you smile, sometimes fail at it.
You’re my life and I love you.
I don’t want you to go hating yourself.
Or hurting yourself.
I need you so much.
I will always be here to give you hugs when you need them.
Or to just give you hugs in general because I can.
You WILL make a wonderful mother one day.
You will make our children smile everyday.
I will always be there to take care of you when you are ill.
And take care of you when you want me to.
I always have faith in you.
I love you.
Always and forever.
The name’s Alex. But you might already know that. xD
Please visit my “About” page. Click here. It would be most excellent to click it and get to know a bit about me.
I will edit it as my life continues on of course.
Thanks. =D
